Jokes' Collection
by acosta perez jose ramiro
Summary: A little collection of jokes starring the RugratsAGU's crew. Rating might go up depending on the jokes.
1. Rugrats

(And heeeeeeeeeeeere's Ramiro!) Thank you, thank you, my dear audience… hey, I liked that introduction, Angelica. (Well, considering what you're about to present, I thought it was the most adequate.) Maybe you're right. Anyway…

(Before you continue, can you help me give everyone a test of my amazing abilities?) What kind of abilities? (Well, you'll see. _Angelica grabs an envelope and shows it to the audience. _I'm going to guess the answer to the question in this envelope before you read it to us.) You know, the psychic stuff is more Dil's territory, don't you think? (Hey, just give me a hand here, okay. _Angelica puts the envelope on her forehead, and concentrates. _The answer is… 'Rugrats/AGU characters, Microsoft, and The Skeleton of the Elephant Man'. _Angelica handles the envelope to me._) Now I have to see this. _I open the envelope, and read the letter inside. _"Mention 3 things Ramiro doesn't own." (And that it's our Disclaimer!)

Okay, bad puns aside, as you could see in the summary, I'm not posting an actual story this time. (Yep; his brain is running out of the few neurons it still has left.) Thanks for the remark, Angie; anyway, this time I'm presenting some jokes starring Angelica and company. (And, depending on the joke, we'll appear as Rugrats, teenagers, and, probably, as adults.) Since we don't know how many chapters will this story last, we'll keep it as an open fic.

Okay, enough of this. Angelica, do the honors. (Yes. And now… live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!) _groan. _(Just kidding! On with the show!)

**Jokes' Collection.**

A Rugrats/AGU fic by Acosta Pèrez Josè Ramiro.

**-Rugrats.**

Tommy and the other babies are at his backyard, trying to think about what they're going to play.

"I have an idea, friends!" Tommy suddenly says, getting everyone attention. "Let's play we are zoo's _aminals_!"

"What a great idea, Tommy!" Lil exclaims, and immediately starts crawling and making roaring sounds. "I want to be a tiger!"

"Then, I want to be an elephant!" Phil immediately starts doing pachyderm's noises.

"And I'll be a kangaroo!" Kimi giggles and starts hopping around.

"Monkey! Monkey!" Dil laughs and actually do some pretty good monkey-like noises.

"And I'll be a bear!" Tommy playfully smirks, and starts growling. Chuckie then looks over everyone's head, and gulps.

"I want to be a spider." Chuckie says meekly, making everyone to stop playing and give him a puzzled look.

"But the spider isn't a zoo's _aminal_, Chuckie." Kimi tells her brother. Chuckie sighs, and then points at the distance.

"I know… but here comes Angelica, and that's the only animal she fears!"

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Angelica is at the park, smiling widely, and approaches Taffy, her and the babies' nanny.

"Congratulate me, Taffy!" Angelica tells the teenager. "I just did a very good thing."

"What did you do, Angelica?"

"I just saved Finster from getting very hurt."

"Wow! That's impressive, Angelica." Taffy smiles at the little girl. "How you saved him?"

"I forgave him."

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"I'm telling you I'm right, Lillian!"

"And I'm telling you that you're wrong, Phillip!"

"I'm not!"

"You are!"

"I'm not!"

"You are!"

"I'm not!"

"You are!"

"I'm not!"

"You are!"

"I'm not!"

"Why are you two arguing now?" Susie approaches Phil and Lil, stopping their argument.

"Because Phil is wrong, and he isn't accepting it!"

"No, I'm right, Lil, and now Susie is going to prove it." Phil points, and then directs to the Afro-American girl. "Susie, avocados have eyes, right?"

"Of course not, Phil!" Susie can't help but chuckle at her little friend's statement. "Avocados have no eyes!"

Lil smiles in triumph, and Phil gets a worried expression.

"Are you sure?" Phil asks Susie, who nods in reply. Phil then covers him mouth, and gets a sick look.

"Oh, no… then, I just ate a toad!"

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All the families are at the park on a picnic, and Angelica is sitting at the lawn, rolling a can of soda over and over. Tommy and the other babies look at her, and approach the girl to ask her why she is doing it.

"Oh, this? Well… you babies want me to show you a trick?"

"Yes, Angelica, please." Tommy says, kind of excited, and all the other babies nod in agreement.

"Well, if you roll a can of soda for a while, and then open it, the soda doesn't jump out and you don't get dirty or soaked."

The babies then notice the large picnic basket their parents brought, and decide to practice Angelica's trick. Tommy and Dil roll a can; Chuckie and Kimi roll another, and the DeVilles do it with a third one. Then, after a while, they decide to open the cans at the same time.

FOOOOSSSSSHHHH!

All the babies get soaked, and then glare at Angelica, who is fighting the urge of laughing at their faces, and shrugs at them.

"Well, I told you it was a trick."

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Susie looks angrily at Angelica, who's laughing loudly because of the last prank she just played on the babies.

"Angelica, when are you going to stop being that mean with the babies?"

"Ah, I'm just having some fun, Carmichael." Angelica slowly stops laughing. "And if you ask me, being honest and nice is overrated."

"Oh, you think that?" Susie folds her arms, and starts lecturing her. "Did you already forget the story about George Washington and the cherry tree? He cut it down, but he was honest, and his daddy didn't punish him."

"Of course he wasn't punished, Susie… he was carrying an ax!"

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The doorbell rings at Angelica's house, and her father, Drew, opens it, revealing a mid-aged man who handles him a card.

"Good afternoon, Mister Pickles. I'm you daughter's singing teacher."

"There must be a mistake." Drew tells the man, puzzled. "I hadn't paid for any singing lessons for my daughter."

"I know. Your neighbors did it."

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Susie and Harold open a lemonade stand at the park; it's the classic set-up, with a large box and a jar of lemonade and some plastic glasses on it. Susie is attending the costumers (other kids her age) while Harold is making more lemonade; Taffy, at a distance, is looking at them.

Tommy, driving his Reptarmobile, approaches the stand, with Dil sitting next to him.

"Hi, Susie! How much your lemonade costs?" Tommy asks Susie.

"It's a coin, or a cookie, Tommy." Susie explains him. Tommy then takes out a cookie, and gives it to Susie.

"Please, give me one glass for my brother."

Susie gives the glass to Dil, who starts drinking. Harold stops his work, and looks at Tommy.

"You aren't drinking any, Tommy?"

"No, Harold, I can't drink. Don't you see I'm the one driving?"

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Angelica, Harold and Chuckie are at Tommy's house, and, as usual, Angelica is making the red-haired boys do her will.

"Angelica, I don't think this is such a good idea." Chuckie tells Angelica while she and Harold help him climb the table to reach the cookies jar on it.

"Don't argue with me, Finster! You should thank me because this time I'm letting you and Harold have some cookies too." Angelica tells him, and, a moment later, Chuckie is getting the cookies and passing them to the girl.

"Harold, you go see if my Aunt Didi is coming while I help Finster down."

"Okay, Angelica." Harold then runs to the kitchen's door to do his job, but then notices the waste basket is half-open, and decides closing it.

"Nice job, Finster." Angelica smiles at the nerdy baby, who also smiles in reply. The girl then puts the cookies in a pile, and separates a few ones for her companions.

"Hey, Harold, come get your cookies!"

"Actually, Angelica, I'm not hungry… if you guys don't matter, I think I need to go to the bathroom." Harold replies while getting a sick look and running out of the kitchen. Angelica and Chuckie get puzzled looks since this is the first time they see Harold rejecting food, especially cookies.

"What's wrong with him?" Angelica scratches her head in confusion. Chuckie then walks to the door, and notices the wastebasket as well. He gives a look inside, and quickly closes it. Then looks at Angelica, sighing.

"He had his first encounter with one of Dil's bags of dirty diapers."

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Lil and Phil are at the beach, making a sand castle, and Kimi sits next to them, with a sad expression.

"What's wrong, Kimi?" Phil asks her, noticing her looks.

"It's just that Mommy said I'm too small to go play in the sea like Angelica and Susie."

"Hey, that's fine. I wanted to swim there too until I discovered why the sea is salty." Lil tells her friend, who immediately looks at her, puzzled.

"You know why the sea is salty?"

"Yes… because the fish pee there!"

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At the kindergarten, Susie and Angelica, alongside the other kids, are getting a lesson on animals from their teacher, Miss Weamer.

"Now, let's see who paid attention." The teacher smiles at the kids, and gets a thoughtful expression. "Let's see… who can tell me the name of a mammal that has no teeth?"

"The whale, Miss Weamer." Susie answers while raising her hand.

"Very good, Susie!" The teacher says, "Any other? Yes, Angelica?"

"My Grandpa, Miss Weamer!"

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Angelica and Timmy McNulty are arguing at the park.

"I'm a boy, and that means I'm stronger, smarter and braver than you, Pickles."

"Well, I'm stronger, braver, and smarter than you, McNulty, and I can prove it!"

"Oh, yeah? How?" Timmy gets a cocky look while folding his arms. Angelica looks around, and gets her trademark evil grin.

"You see that plant with thorns?" Angelica points at a thorns-filled bush at a distance. "If you give me a cookie, I'll lick it."

"Seriously?" Timmy wide opens his eyes in surprise.

"That's right… of course, if you can't find a cookie, or you want to just admit I'm better than you, well, I'll understand it." Angelica replies in a superiority tone, making him anger. Timmy leaves, and returns a few moments later with a cookie.

"Here's the cookie. Lick it!" Timmy snaps at Angelica while handling the cookie to her. Angelica shrugs, and grabs the cookie.

Then, she licks it, and walks away munching it, leaving a stunned McNulty.

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Kimi is at her house scrabbling something on a piece of paper using several crayons.

"What are you doing, Kimi?" Chuckie asks his sister while approaching her.

"Oh, Lil and I are playing mail, so I'm writing her a letter."

"But you don't know how to write." Chuckie points to her; Kimi looks at the paper and then smiles at him.

"Who cares? Lil can't read either."

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Susie is at the kindergarten, with a sad expression on her face. Angelica notices her, and sits next to her friend.

"What's wrong, Carmichael? You're usually the cheerful one."

"I'm a little sad because maybe Harold will never talk to us again."

"What?" Angelica gets a shocked expression. "But he is always very nice with us… sometimes he's a little annoying, but he still is our friend! Why he isn't talking to us any more?"

"Miss Weamer just told him he must never talk with his full mouth."

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Harold and Angelica are at her house, playing with her Cynthia doll and some of his action figures, when Charlotte passes next to them, mumbling something and showing a large frown.

"Angelica, your mom's angry?"

"No, Harold, she is just a little upset."

"And what's the difference between 'angry' and 'upset'?"

Angelica gets quiet since she has no idea about how to explain that to her friend. Then, her face brightens with her trademark evil grin.

"I know how to explain you! Come, we need the telephone; you just do what I tell you."

Angelica grabs the telephone, and dials the number of Jonathan, her mother's assistant. She then handles the telephone to Harold, and whispers something at his ear.

"Hello? It's Angelica Pickles there?" Harold asks Jonathan, trying to sound a little older.

"You got it wrong, kid! Angelica isn't here." Jonathan replies the other side of the line, and hangs off.

"You heard his tone? He was upset. Now, I'll show you how an angry person sounds." Angelica explains Harold, and dials the number and gives some instructions to Harold again.

"Hello? It's Angelica's house?"

"What? Of course not! That brat, thanks God, doesn't live here!" Jonathan replies in a slightly harsher tone, and hangs off.

"Wow! Now I know the difference, Angelica. Thanks."

"Any time, Harold… and now, just for fun, I'm showing you how it's to be 'furious'." Angelica dials again, but, this time, she is the one talking.

"Hello, Jonathan? It's me, Angelica; there's any message for me?"

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Charlotte finds Angelica eating the last cookie from the jar.

"Angelica, you know you can't eat cookies before dinner!" Charlotte talks in an authoritarian tone while Angelica lowers her head. "Now, you'll have no dessert tonight!"

Angelica sighs, and nods in reply; Charlotte picks up the jar and walks away. Once she is out of sight, Angelica grins and thinks out loud.

"And nobody else, Mommy, because I ate that too."

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Angelica and Susie become singers at their church's choir. One day, Angelica is asked to sing a solo, which, obviously, makes everyone to cringle at their seats. However, the when the priest rolls his eyes and tries ignoring the girl's voice, notices The Virgin Mary's image behind him, and gasps in amazement.

"Oh, my God!" The priest exclaims. "The Virgin is crying! It's a miracle!"

Everybody looks at the image, and, as the man said, they confirm The Virgin is crying. The next day, Angelica appears at all the newspapers and national TV as a miraculous girl, and, since then, she becomes the choir's main singer.

One Sunday, Angelica wakes up with a sore throat, so she can't sing that day. Susie replaces her, and, this time, The Virgin Mary's image doesn't cry. However, after a few minutes, everybody freezes when hearing the altar's Jesus talking.

"Now, that's a singer, and not that girl that makes my mom to cry."


	2. AGU

**-AGU.**

Phil approaches Chuckie, who is giving flyers to several students.

"Hey, Chuckie, what are you doing with those?"

"I want to try again for Security Commissioner, Phil, so I'm promoting myself by giving some information I investigated about the accidents at our school." Chuckie informs him. "Did you know almost all the accidents here happen at the cafeteria?"

"Yes, I know." Phil rolls his eyes. "And we have to eat them."

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Dil is walking at the corridors dressed with an Arabian magician-like outfit, getting everyone's attention, especially from Vice Principal Pangborn.

"Pickles, what is going on inside that head of yours today?" The huge man tells the boy, who just closes his eyes and gets a serene expression.

"I'm just using the right outfit for my never-ending search of mental expansion." Dil informs him. "Right now, I'm trying to develop my latent psychic powers."

"Oh, yeah?" Pangborn smirks, and then takes out a pen and a piece of paper, "Then you'll have no problems answering the question I'm writing here without looking at the paper."

"Go ahead, my appreciated educator." Dil replies while placing his index fingers at the sides of his head. Pangborn starts writing, and Miss O' Keats, who overheard part of the conversation without being noticed, chuckles slightly.

"Ah, I just got it!" Dil exclaims. "It's something Schwarzenegger has it large, Bush has it short, and The Pope doesn't use it."

"Dylan, how can you say that! " Miss O' Keats exclaims, horrified, finally getting the boy and the man's attention.

"Actually, Miss O' Keats, he got it right." A very impressed Pangborn handles the paper to the teacher, who immediately blushes in embarrassment when reading the question.

"_What's a surname?"_

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Tommy, smiling nervously, approaches Lil, who is taking some books from her locker.

"Uh, Lil, can I talk you for a moment?"

"Sure, Tommy; what's up?" Lil asks her friend.

"Well… I was wondering… if you have nothing to do tomorrow… would you like to go catch a movie just the two of us… you know, as in a date?" Tommy asks, getting an anxious look. Lil blushes, and smiles slightly.

"I don't know, Tommy." Lil finally replies. "If we go, you have to make me two promises; first, if you try to kiss me, and the people behind us start whispering, you have to stop immediately, okay?"

"Well… okay, it's a deal." Tommy sighs, "And what's the second condition?" Lil blushes even more, and then gives Tommy a little kiss on his cheek (making him to blush as well) and whispers at him.

"We are sitting at the last line."

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At the school's corridor, Phil waves good-bye to a teacher, who just nods and rubs his forehead. Susie sees him, and approaches her friend.

"Hi, Phil; he's one of your teachers?"

"Oh, hi, Susie; yes, he is my History teacher. He is the most religious man I had ever met." Phil tells her.

"Really? Had you seen him praying, or quoting The Bible?"

"No, but every time he asks me something, and I answer, he immediately looks at the Heavens, and exclaims _Oh, my God!_"

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Mister Beaker is teaching Science at Dil's classroom.

"Okay, boys and girls, we now know the consequences of Earth being a sphere," the big-nosed man says while moving in front of the students, "So, can anyone imagine what would happen if Earth was a cube?"

Dil raises his hand, and then talks in a Caribbean accent.

"That we would all be Cubans, _caballero!_"

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Angelica walks through the schools' corridors, growling under her breath and giving death glares to anyone who looks at her. Harold, as usual, is walking behind her, carrying the girl's books, and Susie approaches him from behind, noticing Angelica's mood.

"Hey, Harold, what's wrong with Angelica?"

"She is very angry because she likes to sing every morning when waking up, and her doctor just told her yesterday that she must stop doing it."

"Oh, I see… she has a breathing problem, or it's something wrong with her throat?"

"No; her doctor lives next door."

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All the gang is at the movies, and Dil and Phil are the chosen ones to go buy the popcorn and sodas. On their way out, Phil steps on Savannah, who is sitting at the last seat of the line, and doesn't apologize.

"The nerve of that commoner!" Savannah groans. "If he doesn't give me a proper apology when coming back, he'll pay for this!"

A few minutes later, the theater's lights go off, and the trailers start. At that moment, Dil and Phil return, carrying the food and drinks. Phil moves a few feet in front of Dil, and finds Savannah.

"Hey, Savannah, excuse me." Phil whispers to the popular girl; "Did I step on you on my way out?"

"Actually, yes, you fool, you did it." Savannah replies with a major glare. Phil smiles widely, and turns to call Dil.

"Hey, Dil, come on, I found our seats!"

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Harold enters his classroom with a bag of candy, and, immediately starts sharing it with everyone. He then seats at his place, and offer some to Angelica and Susie.

"Hey, these are good ones, Harold." Angelica comments while tasting one of the candies.

"Yes; this is very generous from you." Susie adds, and then gets a thoughtful expression. "Harold, there's something I had been wondering for a while; why the fatty boys like you usually are so cheerful and try getting along with everyone?"

"Because we can neither fight nor run, Susie." Harold replies, shrugging.

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Dil enters the school carrying a large box and smiling widely, finding Kimi on his way to his classroom.

"Hi, Dil; hey, what do you have in the box?"

"My science project, Kimi; I created the unbreakable light bulb!" Dil replies excited.

"Cool! What is it made of?"

"Steel!"

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Angelica is at the park, looking at the kids at the playground, smiling widely, and then Timmy approaches her.

"Hey, Pickles, why are you smiling? The witch suddenly likes kids?" Tim mocks her. Angelica gets her mischievous grin.

"Oh, I just was remembering when we were their age, McNulty. Do you remember when we got trapped in the bushes behind the slide?" Angelica chuckles, "God, we were so dumb!"

"Hey, don't make it plural, Pickles!" Timmy folds his arms. Angelica shrugs and starts walking away.

"Okay, Timmy... God, you were so dumb!"

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Susie walks in front of The Devilles' house, and sees Lil at the backyard carrying a large laundry basket.

"It's your turn to do the laundry, uh?"

"Yes, and you know, I really don't have a problem with it, except when it comes to washing my brother's socks; talking about a stench's problem!"

Susie then looks at the basket, and notices practically all the socks are white ones.

"All these are Phil's socks?" Susie asks Lil, who nods in reply. "He must really like the white ones; how many pairs he uses in the same week?"

"The real question is, how many weeks he uses the same pair?" Lil comments to a shocked Susie.

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Timmy McNulty walks down the street, limping and with a blackened eye. Savannah looks at him, and gasps in surprise.

"Oh, my… what happened to you, McNulty?"

"It finally happened, Savannah." Tim replies, trying to hide some tears coming from his injured eye. "I got into a huge argument with Angelica, and then she and I lost it, and got into a bare-fisted fight. I never imagined that girl could hit this hard!"

Savannah suddenly gets very happy at the idea of her rival getting injured and possibly losing some attractive.

"I see it; and, where's Angelica now?"

"At the hospital."

"Oh, my… you hurt her that much?"

"Hurt? No… she does volunteer job there!"

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Kimi and Phil are at the movies, having their first date. After a while, Kimi whispers to Phil.

"Hey, Phil… it's anyone next to you?"

Phil looks at his right, confirming there's nobody there.

"No, Kimi… nobody's there."

"And… there's someone in front of us?"

Phil stretches his neck a little, confirming the closest person is two lines ahead.

"No, nobody is right in front of us."

"And, behind us?"

Phil looks at the back seats, and sees no one sitting there.

"No, Kimi; nobody is behind us."

"So, that means we are practically alone here."

"Oh, yeah." Phil says in a flirty tone and approaches her a little more, guessing the girl's intentions, "It's just the two of us, babe."

Kimi then pushes him, and starts waving her hand in front of her nose while getting a nauseating look.

"Ugh, then you are the one who farted!"

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Tommy and Phil are at the zoo, watching the giraffes.

"You know, Phil, I would like having enough money to buy a giraffe."

"Seriously?" Phil chuckles slightly while giving Tommy a confused expression, "And why do you want a giraffe?"

"I don't want the giraffe, Phil… just the money you need to buy it!"

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Angelica and Harold are having lunch at the mall, and, for once, Angelica finishes before her friend, who is still chewing his meal.

"Harold, can you hurry up?" Angelica groans, "Everyone must be waiting for us at the movie theater!"

"Sorry, Angelica." Harold replies after swallowing, "It's just that my mom taught me to chew every snack exactly twenty times before swallowing it."

"But you're eating SMASHED POTATOES!"

"Mom never said it was easy."

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Dil enters Tommy's room without him noticing, and starts looking over his brother's shoulders, who is editing a movie at his computer. Tommy finally notices him, and gets a little upset.

"Dil, had you ever heard that 'Curiousity killed a cat'?"

"Sorry, Tommy." Dil backs up with an apologetic look. Tommy gets back to work, but turns when Dil taps his shoulders.

"And what did the cat want to know?"

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Tommy and Chuckie are at The Finsters' place, watching TV. Chuckie notices his friend has a sleepy look.

"Tommy, did you sleep well last night?"

"You noticed, uh? Yes, I had a horrible nightmare, and I couldn't go back to sleep after it woke me up."

"It was that bad?" Chuckie asks Tommy, who nods in reply, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Okay… in my dream, I was in a room with Lil, Kimi, Rachel, Olivia, and about ten other pretty girls, all of them smiling and being nice with me."

"Well, skipping the detail you dream with my sister, I don't think that qualifies as a nightmare, Tommy."

"It was, because, in my dream, I was Miss O' Keats!"

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Chuckie is at the cafeteria, staring at Angelica, who is sitting with the popular crew. Lil notices him, and sits next to her friend.

"Chuckie, this is the fourth time I catch you staring at Angelica; are you sure you have feelings for her, or it's just a crush?"

"I'm sure I have feelings for her, Lil." Chuckie sighs. "Yesterday, I didn't have breakfast because I was thinking about her; later, I didn't have lunch, again, because I was thinking about her; and, surprise, I didn't have dinner either because I was thinking about her. And, of top of that, I spent the night sleepless."

"Thinking about her?"

"No... because of hunger!"

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Angelica is at the girls' room, with a thoughtful expression, pacing back and forth. After a few moments, Savannah enters and gets an amused look at the blonde's behavior.

"Are you trying to decide on a new pair of shoes, Pickles?"

"No, Savannah, it's something far more serious." Angelica tells the brunette. "I have 2 boys asking me on a date, and I don't know who to choose."

"Well, why it's so hard? Who are those boys, anyway?"

"I suppose I can tell you; Sean Butler, and Chuckie Finster." Angelica sighs. "Sean is handsome, popular, and rich, and Chuckie is geeky, a klutz, and not exactly high on the school's popularity's rating… but Chuckie is the one I really like."

"Well, this problem has a very easy solution." Savannah places a hand on Angelica's shoulder, "What you must do is following your heart, and choose Chuckie… and to be a good friend and give me Sean's phone number!"

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"So, Kimi, your relationship with Phil is working fine?" Susie asks her friend while taking a drink at the Java Lava.

"Well… it's good, I guess, but I still am I little worried about him not taking anything seriously." Kimi tells her, "For example, yesterday, I dreamed he was in an island, alone with twenty cheerleaders."

"Kimi, that shouldn't worry you. I mean, it was only a dream, right?"

"Yes… but, if he does those things in my dreams, just imagine what he does in his!"

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Chuckie is jogging at the park, and finds Timmy doing the same.

"Since when do you exercise, Finster?" Timmy mocks Chuckie.

"Since my P.E. teacher recommended it to me so I can improve in his class, Timmy." Chuckie pants slightly, since obviously he isn't used to jogging. "I really need to do something to get in shape."

"Well, it's not that hard." Timmy says in a superiority tone, and then places right in front of Chuckie. "You know the secret to have good health? Eating plenty of onions."

Chuckie covers his nose, and moves a few steps back.

"Then, I recommend you to keep that secret to yourself."


	3. AGU 2

**-AGU II.**

Chuckie is at his bedroom, on the bed, smiling widely and looking at the ceiling. Kimi opens the door, and chuckles when noticing her brother's expression.

"I guess you enjoyed your first date with Angelica, right, bro?" Kimi tells him while sitting at the bed next to him.

"It was great, Kimi!" Chuckie exclaims in happiness. "I always suspected Angie could be really nice when trying, and I was right! We had a wonderful time together."

"I see… and, you kissed her?"

"Well, actually, no, I didn't."

"But you had a great chance, Chuckie!"

"Yes, but I didn't because of three reasons; first, since this was our first date, I was a little nervous; second, I want this relationship to be a successful one, so I don't want to rush into things."

"I see… and what's the third one?"

"That she kissed me first!" Chuckie grins widely at a stunned Kimi.

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Phil enters his house, finding his mom watching TV.

"Hey, Mom, gets what?" Phil talks in excitement, "My English's teacher said that I'm already smarter than her!"

"Are you serious, Phil?" Betty arches an eyebrow at her son. Phil nods, and gets an extremely proud expression.

"Oh, yeah; she just told me today that it's impossible for her to teach me anything!"

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Lil exits her house with a bandaged leg and using clutches. Tommy sees her, and gasps before running at her side.

"Lil, what happened to you?"

"An accident at soccer practice, Tommy," Lil tells him with a saddened look. "I was about to kick a penalty shot, but I got a huge rock instead."

"Oh, my… does it hurt?" Tommy asks in a tender tone. Lil sighs and shakes her head.

"This is nothing; you should see our goalkeeper."

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Angelica is at the popular crew's table alongside Sean, Savannah, and Samantha.

"I have an idea for a game." Samantha says, suddenly tired of the usual chatting involving fashion and critics against everyone else, "Let's see who can say the biggest lie."

"I like it, and, since I'm the most popular, I'll start." Savannah clears her throat. "I own the Eiffel Tower, Fort Knox, and Harvard University."

"Cool! My turn, okay?" Sean thinks for a moment, and then talks in a excited tone, "I own the Chicago Bulls, Dallas Cowboys, and Los Angeles Dodgers."

"Not bad... okay, I'm next." Samantha thinks, and then her expression brightens, "I own Disneyland, Mount Rushmore, and the whole state of Nevada!"

"Well, it's your turn, Angelica." Savannah smirks at the blonde, "What can you say that can top our lies?"

Angelica rubs her chin, and then gets her mischievous grin.

"I'm the boss of the three of you."

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Susie and Harold are at the movies on a date, but none of them dares making a move since they're still a little nervous. Harold then decides to grab Susie's hand.

"Harold… do you realize what are you touching?"

Harold then notices that, in his nervousness, instead of placing his hand on the girl's hand, he is now touching her leg.

"Susie… I… I'm sorry… I didn't notice…"

Susie places a finger on the boy's lips, silencing him, and then talks in a fake severe tone.

"Don't say a thing… and, right now, I'm giving you exactly THIRTY minutes to remove your hand!"

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Phil's class goes to the theater to see 'Hamlet', and, as expected, since Phil can't understand a lot of the dialogue, gets bored at the play. After a while, the main actor starts the famous monologue scene.

"To be or not to be…"

Phil can't take boredom any more, and yells at the stage.

"Get out of the closet, dude!"

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Susie is at the schoolyard, sitting on a bench, reading a teens' magazine. Suddenly, she hears someone breathing next to her, and turns slightly, noticing Angelica reading over her shoulder.

"People who read over someone's shoulders without permission are very rude and insensitive."

Angelica, instead of backing up, looks closer at the magazine.

"No way! Where does it say that?"

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Harold finds Dil at the library, reading from a very thick book.

"What is that book about, Dil?"

"It's about Parapsychology, Harold."

"Oh, you mean, about babies?"

"Huh?" Dil stops reading, and arches an eyebrow at the other carrot top, "Harold, this has nothing to do with babies! Who gave you that idea?"

"Something I once heard at the radio." Harold shrugs, "The guy talking said that Parapsychology is in diapers!"

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Angelica and Chuckie break their first kiss as a couple, and look fondly at each other.

"Finster, now we are dating, I'll never, ever, lie to you again."

"Really? That's great, Angelica!" Chuckie embraces her, who, unnoticed to him, gets a mischievous look.

"_I think he actually fell for that one."_ Angelica thinks.

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Timmy McNulty looks at Dil meditating at the park, and makes fun of him.

"What are you doing, Pickles? It's another one of your Planet Weirdo's crazy things?"

"I'm trying to exercise my mind, Tim." Dil replies without losing his serene expression. "You should try it someday, you know, consider expanding your horizons at a new universe of possibilities."

"Yeah, right; I'm not losing my time doing that silly yoga stuff."

"There's another way." Dil explains the elder boy. "If you walk out in the rain, and then look up in the sky for a while, you might get a revelation."

"Seriously?" Timmy scratches his head in confusion. After a few moments, he shrugs and leaves.

A few days later, Dil is walking down the street, finding a red-eyed, coughing, and angry Timmy McNulty walking towards him.

"This is –_cough-_ the last time I hear any of your advices, Pickles!" Timmy snaps at Dil. "I walked _–cough- _down the rain and looked up in the sky yesterday, like you said _–cough-_, and didn't get any revelation, just this stupid cold! The water was running down my neck and under my clothes, and I felt like a complete idiot!"

"And, don't you think that, for a first attempt, that's already a great revelation?"

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Angelica is showing off her new watch to everyone at school. Phil has enough, and decides to make her shut up.

"Angelica, you had been making a scandal about that watch the whole day! What's so great about it, anyway?"

"It's a Swiss watch, DeVille."

"And what's so cool about Switzerland?"

"Ignorant. For your information, Switzerland has the world's finest crafters ever; everything they do is high quality."

"Oh, yeah? Well, if they are so good, then why their cheese has so many holes, uh?"

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Lil enters the Java Lava, finding Kimi behind the counter.

"Hey, Kimi, would you like to go see 'Monster House' when your shift ends?" Lil proposes her friend.

"Sure, but… I thought you and Tommy went to the movies yesterday."

"You're right," Lil blushes slightly, "but this time I want to see the film."

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The gang is on vacation at a ranch, and, this time, Harold goes with them. Susie teaches him how to ride, and once he has learned enough, they ride to a hill from where they can see the whole place, and decide to rest for a while. They cuddle and fall asleep under a tree's shadow; about an hour later, Harold is the first one to wake up, and after giving Susie a little kiss to wake her up as well, gives a look at the valley.

"Uh… Susie, do the cows smoke?"

"Of course not, Harold." Susie chuckles at her boyfriend's question, and he immediately gets a worried expression.

"Ups; then, I guess the barn is on fire!"

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Dil is at his bedroom, pacing back and forth. Since the door is open, Tommy notices him on his way to his own room.

"You need help with something, Dil?"

"I'm just a little worried about my room's hygiene, T. I just found a dead cockroach under my bed."

"And you are this worried because of a dead cockroach?" Tommy arches an eyebrow at his brother, who sighs and then shakes his head.

"No… but because of the ones who will come to the funeral service."

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Angelica sits at the popular crew's table, next to Savannah, and points to a student sitting a few tables in front of them.

"You know, Savannah, that new boy from Arkansas told me he likes you. Why don't you give him a chance? He's handsome and kind of cool."

"No way, Angelica!" Savannah replies in a snobbish tone. "I have pretty high standards, and I can't date him because of ten reasons; the first one is that he has no money."

"And the other nine reasons?"

"Those are things he can't buy me because he has no money."

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Phil and Lil are doing their homework. Phil then gets a mischievous grin, and talks to his sister.

"Hey, sis, I have a doubt… you write _asleep _or _as sleep_?"

"That's easy, Phil," Lil tells her brother, "_Asleep._"

"Nope, you're wrong." Phil chuckles, "You write _awake_!"

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Tommy looks inside Dil's bedroom, chuckling when looking at him doing the craziest yoga's position he had ever seen. He has one leg over his shoulder, the other on his belly, his right arm half-twisted around his waist, and the other totally extended over the floor.

"Dil, you look kind of ridiculous!" Tommy laughs, "How is that position called?"

"It's called 'I Fell While Trying Changing My Light Bulb', Tommy." Dil replies in a pained voice.

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Dil is still using his Arabian-like outfit, and now is meditating at his backyard. Tommy approaches him from behind, holding an envelope.

"Hey, Dil, I heard about your envelope's trick, and I would like to give it a try." Tommy tells his brother, "If you are really doing that, maybe I'll do a documentary about your abilities."

"It's not a trick, bro, is mental power… but I like the documentary's idea." Dil rubs his chin, and then starts concentrating to discover the answer to the mysterious question. Phil, who is at his backyard mowing the lawn, overhears them, and his head pops from behind the fence separating both houses to look at the Pickles.

"I got it!" Dil exclaims in triumph. "Goes in straight and dry, and exits wet and smelling like fish."

"Tommy, you dirty-minded boy!" Phil laughs at his friend. Tommy frowns and gives the envelope to Phil.

"You are the dirty-minded, Phil. Just read it!" Tommy tells him as Phil cools down a little and opens the envelope. He then reads the question, and, blushing in embarrassment, laughs nervously at the brothers.

"_Describe a scuba diver's job."_

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Harold is at the library reading something from a red large thin book, and Chuckie approaches him.

"What are you reading, Harold?"

"Susie recommended me to read the classics to improve my culture, so I'm doing it."

"Can I read too?"

"Sure." Harold moves aside to allow Chuckie sit next to him, and they both read in silence for about an hour until Chuckie turns to look at his friend.

"Flash Gordon and Mandrake are cool, but I prefer The Phantom."

"Yes, me too."

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Phil is at the cafeteria with a dreamy look; Dil sits next to him and snaps his fingers next to his ear to make him react.

"Hey, Phil-Man, what's going on inside your head?"

"The usual thing, Dil; I'm seriously considering making out with Kimi in the janitor's closet again."

"What?" Dil wide opens his eyes in surprise, "You and Kimi make out in there?"

"No… but I'm always considering it."

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Tommy is at the park, filming some nature scenes for a class, and finds Timmy McNulty looking at a particularly pretty girl, who is sitting at a nearby bench feeding the birds.

"Hey, Tim, if you're considering trying to flirt with that girl, you should better forget about it."

"Why I should, Pickles?" Tim arches an eyebrow at Tommy, "You're not trying to get her as well, right?"

"Two words, man; karate expert."

"No way!" Tim laughs at Tommy while glancing at the girl, "She looks too delicate and feminine to even throw a punch or a kick."

"Yes… but I'm talking about her boyfriend."

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Susie, Angelica and Kimi are at the mall looking at some dresses.

"You know, it's still early." Susie turns at her friends, "Why don't we go and have a walk together at the zoo after shopping?"

"Sure, why not? I hadn't gone in a while, and I'm in the mood for some peanuts." Angelica nods, but Kimi gets a thoughtful expression.

"I don't know; I mean, I think it's kind of unfair to make an animal lose its freedom."

Angelica sighs, and places a hand on Kimi's shoulder.

"Watch out, Kimi; if you keep that mentality the rest of your life, you'll never get married."

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Dil is heading to the gym on his mascot's disguise to practice his routine with the cheerleaders. A group of jocks finds and starts mocking him.

"Hey Pickles, how are things in the gay front?" The jocks chorus at Dil.

"Why you guys think I'm gay?" Dil stops walking and gives them a puzzled look.

"Because straight guys enter the teams, and the gay ones become mascots!" A random guy tells him, while the others laugh loudly.

"Actually, I think it works the other way, dude." Dil gives them a knowing look, making them to stop laughing and glare at him.

"Are you calling us gays, Pickles?"

"Just think about it." Dil talks in a smooth tone while walking away, "Who would you think is gayer; the guy who spends hours around other guys, all of them sweating and touching each other, or the guy who spends those hours at a room with all the school's cheerleaders?"

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Lil is walking to the groceries store, running an errand for her mother, and finds Harold in a skater's outfit, leaning against a tree and covering his nose and mouth with a handkerchief.

"Hey, Harold, did something happen to you?"

"Yed, Lil." Harold replied in a nasal tone, "Ye see dis tree?"

"Well… yes, I do."

"I didn't."

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Dil notices Phil at his backyard, looking up in the sky with a thoughtful expression.

"Are you joining me in the aliens' search, Phil?" Dil asks him in a half-joking, half-serious tone. Phil notices his friend, and gives him a little smile.

"Oh, hi, Dil… no, I'm just thinking about a weird dream I had last night. I had been trying to find a meaning for it, but the only thing I've now is a headache."

"Well, why don't you talk me about your dream? I'm the weirdness expert around here, remember?"

Phil rubs his chin in thought, and decides to trust Dil.

"Okay, the dream is like this; I'm standing in my backyard, just like now, and then, suddenly and without any warning, there's a flash, and when I can see again, all my teeth are gone. What do you think it means?"

Dil rubs his chin, concentrating, and then, after looking at someone approaching Phil from behind, gasps and gets a scared look.

"It means you should pay Angelica the money you owe her since last month!"

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Chuckie and Angelica are at the movies, her leaning her head on his chest, and him passing a hand over her shoulders. After a while, Angelica gives Chuckie a flirty look, and whispers to him.

"Hey, Chuckie… how about we play some romantic scenes here and now?"

Chuckie blushes and gets a happy expression, liking the idea, but immediately gets a worried expression.

"I would like it, Angelica, but I don't think that's such a good idea." Chuckie comments her, "I mean, there are children in this theater, and it would be a little embarrassing to do that in front of them."

Angelica chuckles a little, and embraces him, whispering something at his ear that immediately makes Chuckie to relax and accept her idea.

"Don't worry; if they're children, they'll not understand what we're doing, and, if they do, they're no longer children."

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Angelica, Susie and Harold go to The Java Lava, and find a lot more people than usual, many of them trying to eat a huge portion of ice cream. The trio approaches Chuckie and Kimi, who are helping their father and Betty behind the counter.

"Hey, guys, what's going on?" Susie asks the Finsters.

"It's another of my dad's business ideas, and this one seems to be a good one." Chuckie tells them, and Kimi, after giving a smoothie to a costumer, joins to explain.

"We have something new this week, The Rocky Mountain; basically, three gallons of ice cream, assorted flavors of course, shaped like a mountain and covered with pecans and peanuts. Of course, it's not cheap; it costs 20 dollars, and it's thought to be eaten by more than two persons, but, as this week's promotion, if anyone can eat it by his or her own in less than ten minutes, it's for free, and you get a 50 dollars prize."

"Hey, Harold, why don't you try? After all, eating is what you do the best." Angelica says to her friend, half joking, half serious. Harold ponders about it for a moment, and then his expression brightens.

"You girls wait me here, okay? I'll be back in a moment." Harold tells Susie and Angelica, and after giving Susie a fast kiss, leaves the place.

"It's my imagination, or he just had an idea?" Chuckie scratches his head in confusion.

"Probably; after all, his stomach has more brains than his head." Angelica shrugs, and she and Susie order two smoothies.

Ten minutes later, Harold returns, smiling, and heads to the counter.

"Give me that mountain, Chuckie!"

Chuckie and Kimi prepare the ice cream, and give it to Harold. He starts eating, and, surprisingly, he eats it all in less than five minutes, making everyone at the place to cheer at him. Chaz congratulates the boy, and gives him his prize; Harold then pays for Susie and Angelica's drinks, and invites they two more.

"Harold, that was amazing… and a little nauseating!" Susie chuckles and gives him a huge kiss; after breaking it, she gives Harold a puzzled look, "I just have a doubt; why you left a while ago?"

"Well, since I wasn't sure about if I was able to eat that much ice cream and so fast, I went to the mini-mart next block, and bought and ate three gallons for practice."

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Phil and Harold are at the arcade playing air hockey.

"You know, dude, I still can't believe you ate three gallons of ice cream that fast!" Phil tells the elder boy while blocking the disc.

"I have an advantage, Phil… I can't have brain freeze; it's just too small for that." Harold replies as blocking Phil's shot.

Phil stops moving, allowing Harold to score, and gives him a puzzled look. Harold smiles at his goal, and, when noticing Phil's expression, he just shrugs.

"What can I say? When Angelica isn't around, someone has to keep the insults going."

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Dil and Chuckie are at one of the schoolyard's tables, in the middle of a chess game. They are watching the board in silence, not moving an inch and breathing in a calm and silent way.

"How long had them been like this?" Susie asks Tommy, who had been watching them for a while.

"They were already like this when I arrived ten minutes ago." Tommy explains, "They are so concentrated in that game, they hadn't noticed me at all."

"It's amazing how much they can focus when trying, don't you think?" Susie comments while watching at her friends in amazement.

"Yes. Dil must be planning a major play right now… but Chuckie is really good at this kind of games." Tommy whispers to Susie, who nods in agreement. Angelica arrives at that moment, and wide opens her eyes at the scene.

"They hadn't move?" The blonde whispers to her cousin and friend, who nod in reply, making her to sigh and shake her head, "I saw them like this fifteen minutes ago, and left to get a drink and don't distract them; I thought the game would be over by now."

"We'll better go; the way they are focused, I doubt they'll make a move in a while." Susie suggests.

"Good idea; I mean, I don't know who to support here. One is my boyfriend, and the other is my baby cousin; not an easy choice, if you ask me." Angelica nods while Tommy gives his best friend and his brother a last look, and then he and the girls leave.

Dil and Chuckie keep their gaze at the chess' board for another ten minutes. Then, for ten more; and ten more… until Chuckie sighs in defeat, and Dil slaps his own forehead.

"I give up, Dil… I just can't remember who is supposed to move now!"

"Same here!"


	4. AGU 3

-**AGU III.**

Phil and his mom return home from the dentist, and he is unusually quiet. Lil is watching TV when they enter the house.

"Hey, Phil, how was your appointment?"

"He can't talk right now, Lil," Betty tells her, "His jaw is still numb, so he doesn't want to say a thing because sounds a little funny."

"Oh… don't worry, Phil," the girl puts a hand on her brother's shoulder, and gives him a sympathetic look, "after all, '_funny_' is better than '_senseless_'."

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Angelica is at her bedroom trying every single pair of shoes she has when Susie enters.

"This place looks like a store!" Susie comments, "It's something wrong with your shoes?"

"No, Susie, they're all fine," Angelica sighs as retiring another pair, "but Finster is taking me on a date tonight, and hadn't found a pair that combines with my dress."

"Maybe I can help you; show me the dress."

Angelica nods and then takes her dress out from the closet, a particularly fitting one. Susie gives a good look to the clothing, and chuckles.

"You can stop worrying, Angelica; if you are wearing that one, your shoes will be the last thing Chuckie will notice!"

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Dil is sitting at the middle of his backyard, balancing a melon over his head while keeping a yoga position. After a while, Tommy approaches him.

"Dil, you had been like this almost for an hour!" Tommy shakes his head, "I know you do yoga, but, and I'm sure I'll regret asking this, why the melon?"

"Simple, Tommy; I do it to keep buffalos away."

"Buffalos?" Tommy arches an eyebrow at his brother, and then rolls his eyes, "Dil, there are no buffalos around here!"

"See? It works!"

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Harold is at the mall checking his weight on a scale. After a moment, he looks at the screen, and gets a shocked expression. Kimi spots him, and notices his look.

"Hello, Harold… bad news?"

"Oh, hi, Kimi," Harold sighs, "yes, it seems I'll need to go on a diet."

"Well, it wouldn't hurt if you lose a few pounds; how much do you weigh now?"

"No idea… instead of my weight, the scale's screen showed 'To be continued'."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chuckie is at a park's bench writing something on a notebook, on deep concentration. Tommy finds him, and gets curious.

"Hey, Chuckie, what are you writing?"

"Just following an advice from one of Angelica's magazines, Tommy," Chuckie says after greeting his friend, "It's some sort of therapy for people who had rough times before becoming a couple."

"Guess it fits you and my cousin perfectly." Tommy chuckles slightly, "And, exactly, what is this therapy about?"

"Writing the worst things my couple has done to me, and then destroy the notebook, as a way to forget and forgive them," Chuckie explains, "Right now, I'm writing about the worst argument we ever had; it was so bad, I made her to kneel."

"Hold it!" Tommy gets a shocked expression, "You made my cousin to kneel?"

"Yes… and, after that, she said, '_Get out from under that bed, Finster!_'"

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Kimi, Phil and Lil are at the library, doing their homework. After a while, Phil slaps his forehead and groans in frustration.

"This is useless! How I'm supposed to write a summary about this stuff if I can't understand it?"

"It can't be that hard," Kimi places a hand on her boyfriend's shoulder as taking a look at his notes. "I can explain this to you… okay, Phil, as you probably know…"

"Kimi." Lil cuts Kimi's speech and gives her a knowing look.

"Oh… yes; thank you, Lil." Kimi sighs and shakes her head slightly, "Okay, Phil, as you probably DON'T know…"

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Tommy is talking with his Grandpa Lou when suddenly the boy notices the man had fallen asleep. Tommy then shakes him gently.

"Um… what? We already won the war?" Lou says, still half-asleep, and then realizes where he is, "Oh, sorry, Scout. Guess I did it again."

"No problem here, Grandpa, but you should see a doctor. One day, you're going to miss something big because of your oversleeping."

"Actually, Tommy, I once missed something really big."

"Really? What it was?"

"November."

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Harold is at the park, jogging in an attempt to lose weight faster and kiss his diet good-bye. Timmy, with a couple of band-aids on his face, meets him.

"Why don't you roll, Rumkin? In your case, it's way faster."

"Maybe, but I don't want to go fast, Tim," Harold, as usual, ignores the insult, "but to lose weight. I have to do it as quickly as possible."

"Why don't you do like me, and practice boxing?"

"Thanks for the suggestion, Tim, but you know I'm not exactly the most aggressive guy around."

"Think about it; I already lost ten pounds in less than 2 weeks."

"Really? You burn that many calories?"

"No," Tim rubs his right cheek in pain, "but my jaw aches so much I can only feed on liquids."

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Phil is at the Finsters' place, visiting Kimi. After several hours, Chaz informs him that it's getting a little late and he should go home before his parents get worried. Kimi goes with him to the door to say 'Good night' to each other, while Chuckie, who is watching TV, waves his friend good-bye.

After almost an hour, Chuckie notices his sister is still at the door, talking with Phil. Chuckie stands up to check them, and approaches Kimi from behind right when she and Phil are finally done and she closes the door.

"Kimi, that took a long! Doesn't Phil know how to say 'Good Night'?"

Kimi, with a love-sick face, and her hair slightly messy, turns and passes next to her stunned brother.

"Oh, yes, he knows… and how!"

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Tommy, Phil, Dil and Harold are walking downtown.

"I think there was a severe lack of butter." Phil comments.

"But the salt was on the right dosage." Harold points.

"And the bag had quality and integrity." Dil adds.

"And the freshness wasn't bad, actually." Phil admits.

Tommy rolls his eyes, and directs to his companions.

"You three are the only guys I know who go to the movies to critic the popcorn."

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Angelica is pacing back and forth on her living room, concerned. Then, she hears her doorbell, and dashes to open. Chuckie and Tommy enter the house, both with tired looks.

"You couldn't find her?" Angelica sighs sadly.

"No, Angelica, sorry; we checked every where, and Dil and Harold are still searching, but it seems Fluffy is no longer at the neighborhood." Tommy informs her while Chuckie put his hands on the girl's shoulders to try comforting her.

"My poor pet… she is almost my age, guys! We practically grew up together! She can't survive at the streets on her own!"

"I have an idea, Angie," Chuckie's expression brightens slightly; "you are friend with the school newspaper's editor, so why don't you call him and give Fluffy's description and maybe a photo, and offer a reward on tomorrow paper? That way there will be several persons looking for her."

"Hey, that's not a bad one, Finster!" Angelica smiles and kisses him. Then, she takes out her cell phone to call her mother and ask for the money. After a few minutes, she thanks her, and starts dialing the editor's phone number.

"How much are you going to offer, Angelica?" Tommy asks her.

"My mom authorized me to offer 200 dollars, cousin," Angelica tells, making the boys' jaws to fall immediately, "Don't get so surprised; Fluffy is a genuine Persian, very expensive, and when young she won a few blue ribbons."

The next day, Angelica goes to school, and once at her classroom starts chatting with Harold and Susie. After almost twenty minutes, her teacher hadn't arrived, so everyone is either relaxing or getting anxious. Then, the principal's voice is heard through the speakers.

"_**Attention, students, I'm announcing that we'll have no classes today since no teacher presented to work… apparently, all of them are searching for a cat."**_

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Dil and Chuckie are arguing.

"I tell you, Chuckie, lightning is faster than normal light!"

"Dil, nothing is faster than light! And there's no speed difference between regular light and lightning."

"You guys are arguing? Weird." Both carrot tops turn to look at Phil, who is approaching them.

"It's not really an argument, Phil, just a difference of opinions." Dil explains.

"Yes; Dil says that lightning is faster than normal light, and I'm telling him that's the same thing because nothing is as fast as light. What do you think?"

"That you're both wrong. Diarrhea is faster than lightning and light." Phil says confidently.

"Diarrhea?" Dil and Chuckie chorus, puzzled.

"Sure; last month, I was sleeping when a stomach ache woke me up. I stood up like lightning, turned on the light… and by then, I was already dirty."

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Lil phones Tommy.

"Tommy? It's me, Lil; can your family come home for dinner?"

"Sure, Lil, I'm telling my parents!" Tommy replies, happy about the idea of dining with his girlfriend.

"Good, and, can you do me a favor? Call Angelica and Susie so they and their families can come as well; I'll phone The Finsters, Harold, and anyone I can think right now."

"Whoa! Why are you inviting so many people?" Tommy asks, puzzled, as Lil sighs the other side of the line.

"Dad tried a stew's recipe from a friend of his… and forgot the guy was an army cook!"

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Chuckie is going to Angelica's house, and finds Harold walking out.

"Hi, Harold! Angelica is at home?"

"Yes, but you'll better not go inside right now, Chuckie." Harold gets an uneasy expression, "She's doing something you might not like."

"What?" Chuckie panics, "Tell me the true, please! Is she… ch--ch--cheating on me?"

"Worse… she is singing."

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Sean is walking at the park, and, from nowhere, Timmy appears and grabs him by the collar.

"Where's the money you owe me, Butler?" Tim snaps at him.

"Uh… I don't have it yet, Tim, honestly!" Sean gulps. Tim gets even angrier, and forces him to walk at the closest fountain.

"Let's solve this!" Tim forces Sean's head into the water while yelling at him, after a few seconds, he takes him out.

"Show me the money!"

Tim forces Sean again into the water, this time keeping him in that position for a longer time.

"Show me the money!"

Tim repeats the operation 10 times, until Sean makes him a signal to talk.

"Tim, let's go search for the money somewhere else… because I don't see it down there!

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There's a carnival at the gang's school, and Angelica is in charge of the kissing booth.

"Are you sure about this, Angelica?" Susie asks her friend as she applies some lipstick.

"Of course I am, Susie. I'm getting extra credits for participating, and selling kisses isn't exactly hard."

"But, don't you think Chuckie might feel jealous?"

"That's the beauty of dating him; Finster is the most understanding guy ever." Angelica shrugs, "He only gave me one condition."

"What condition?"

Angelica chuckles and points over Susie's shoulder; the Afro-American turns and sees Chuckie approaching them carrying his whole allowance at his hands.

"He is buying the first two dozens."

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The school's soccer team is playing a very hard game. Both teams are tied with no goals on any side, and the game is about to finish. Then, Lil sees an opening and, taking her chance, passes the ball to Phil, who is unmarked; he shoots and…

"**GOOOOOAAAAAL!" **

The team's fans start cheering while the other team's curse their luck and cry. Phil and Lil's teammates surround the twins, and they get in the middle of a massive hug, when suddenly…

"Hold on!" Phil yells angrily, making the whole celebration to stop, "Look, the hugging, I like it… but I want to know, here and now, who is the wise guy who kissed me!"

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Angelica is standing at the middle of the school yard, clenching her teeth and fists.

"There are exactly eight hundred students in this school…"

Chuckie, who is next to her, backs slowly as her ranting continues.

"… thirty teachers…"

Harold and Susie, at a distance, gulp and ran away.

"… five people working at the cafeteria…"

Several students around the blonde notice her face getting redder by the second, and retire as fast as possible.

"… ten maintenance persons…"

Vice-Principal Pangborn arrives at the scene to see what's going on, but, when noticing Angelica, he also runs for coverage.

"… and two secretaries and the guy who came to repair the air conditioner…"

"Here it comes." Dil, hiding behind a bench alongside Tommy and Phil, whispers as everyone covers their ears.

"**AND THAT STUPID PIDGEON HAD TO PLAY ITS STUNT ON ME!"**

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Phil arrives home carrying a piglet.

"Phil, what are you doing with that pig?" Lil asks after recovering from surprise.

"I found him at the street, sis," Phil tells her, "I think is kind of funny, so I'm asking Mom and Dad to keep it as a pet."

"Are you crazy? Where are we going to keep a pig?"

"Well, in my room, duh."

"Yeah, right," Lil rolls her eyes in annoyance, "and how about the smell?"

"Ah, don't worry, Lil… he'll get used to it."

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Angelica approaches Savannah, who is chatting with a group of popular girls.

"Hey, Savannah, I have news for you; a good and a bad one. Which one do you want to hear first?"

"The good one, of course," Savannah says in a snobbish tone.

"Well, the good one is that Steve, the guy you had been drooling for since last year, told me he likes you."

"YES!" Savannah exclaims in happiness, and then smirks at her companions, "You see, losers? I told all of you he'll eventually fall for me!"

The other girls groan in annoyance at the brunette's display, and then Savannah directs to Angelica again.

"You see, Pickles? Now I have a real boyfriend, not like that geek you're dating," Savannah folds her arms, "Oh, well… what's the bad new?"

Angelica grins widely, and, slowly, starts walking away.

"I'm a liar."

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**And now, a joke set at the Middle-Ages.**

In a large castle, Harold, the court jester, runs desperately around the corridors and halls.

"God save the king! God save the king!"

Tommy, one of the royal knights, arches an eyebrow at him.

"Harold, your loyalty and enthusiasm are something to admire, but you don't need to say that when the king isn't present."

"I know, Sir Pickles," Harold stops, panting, and getting a concerned look, "but he is at his room with the cook's daughter… and the queen is coming!"

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Kimi is visiting Susie, and she offers her some home-made cake.

"I did it myself." Susie says proudly.

"And how it tastes?" Kimi looks at the dessert; as almost anything Susie cooks, it doesn't look edible at all.

"Well, my brother, Edwin, ate some of it yesterday, and said it can't get better."

Edwin enters the room, holding his belly, and looks at the girls.

"Not exactly, Susie… I said I ate some of it yesterday, and, since then, I can't get better."

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Angelica is at the hospital visiting Spencer, her little friend she met when doing volunteer work in there. After a while of chatting, Spencer gets a thoughtful expression.

"Can I ask you something, Angelica?"

"Sure, Spence."

"What's the difference between boys and girls? I've asked about every nurse in here, and none want to answer me."

"Well… okay, I'm telling you." Angelica clears her throat, "The first difference is that we, the girls, have no balls…"

"Really?"

"… or bats, or catching gloves, since we usually don't like baseball."

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Harold is at a dinner finishing a pretty large meal.

"Want to order dessert, young man?" The waiter asks him.

"Yes; what do you have?"

"Chocolate cake, strawberry jell-o, banana split, apple and cherry pie, cheesecake, and fudge," The man tells him.

"Good… serve in that order, please."

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Dil is using his Arabian magician outfit at school. Savannah looks at him, and starts mocking the boy.

"Looks like circus is in town… ups, sorry, I forgot they left yesterday. But it seems they left a clown!"

"Your words don't affect me, non-believer." Dil replies calmly, "I'm dedicated to expand my mind frontiers and discover the world's mysteries through meditation, palm reading, and talking with my smashed potatoes."

"Yeah, right," Savannah replies sarcastically, and then gets an idea, "If you're such a mystic guy, why don't you make me a demonstration?"

"Sure; I'll read your palm." Dil offers her, and the girl accepts. The boy looks at the girl's hand, and gets a serious expression; Savannah actually gets intrigued because of the obvious concentration and the way he is looking.

"Bad. This is bad."

"What are you talking about?"

"According to your hand's lines, you'll suffer from love deceptions, professional failures, and several diseases until you turn 30."

"It can't be true!" Savannah gasps in fear and surprise, "Okay, that's until I turn 30… what happens next?"

"You get used." Dil shrugs and leaves a stunned girl.

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Chuckie is walking, almost running, to return home, since it's getting late. He passes in front of the cemetery, and stops, getting an anxious and doubtful expression. He knows that the place is a short-cut, but, being Chuckie, he is afraid of walking through the cemetery on his own, especially since it's already getting dark.

"Do you have a problem, young man?"

Chuckie turns when hearing a nice-looking old man.

"Oh… well… it's just that I need to use the cemetery for a short-cut, sir, but… I'm afraid of doing it."

"I can walk with you if you want."

"Thanks a lot, mister; my name is Chuckie, by the way." The boy shakes the man's hand, sighing in relief. They both walk through the cemetery, the man incredibly relaxed, so Chuckie eventually relaxes a little as well. Ten minutes later, they're the other side.

"Thanks a lot, sir," the boy says while walking good-bye, "Sorry I bothered you; I had always been kind of a nervous guy."

"Oh, never mind, kid," The man shrugs, "I also feared this place when I was ALIVE."


	5. Angelica

**-Angelica.**

Harold, on exercising outfit, jogs in front of Angelica's house, who's at the yard taking a sun bath and reading a magazine.

"Still trying to lose weight, Harold?"

"Yes… -pant- Angie. –pant- I already lost 20 pounds!" Harold says proudly as jogging away. Angelica looks at him leaving, and then sees his butt.

"And I found them."

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Timmy McNulty is at the park, flirting and showing off to any girl walking next to him. Angelica notices it, and approaches the boy.

"Oh, McNulty… had anyone told you about how handsome and smart you are?"

"Well, no, Pickles, no one yet." Timmy says proudly.

"Than, what gave you that idea?"

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Dil, on his Arabian magician outfit, is meditating at his yard, and Angelica enters holding an envelope. Tommy watches them from the kitchen's window.

"Hey, Dylan, I heard something weird about you being able to answer any question written on a closed envelope."

"You heard right, my dear cousin." Dil replies doing a ceremonious bow.

"I'll believe when seeing it myself." Angelica says as giving him the envelope. "Okay, Copperfield, do your trick."

Dil nods and places the envelope on his forehead, concentrating.

"The answer is… a hole below the waist, where a pound of flesh fits."

"Angelica!" Tommy glares at his cousin. "What kind of things are you showing my brother?"

"Cool down, Pickles! For once, Mister Weirdo here did something well." Angelica handles Tommy the envelope; the boy opens it to read the question, and blushes in embarrassment.

"'What's the pants' pocket?'"

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Angelica is at the mall with Chuckie, him carrying the stuff she buys. The girl tries a new dress, last-fashioned, but, despite that, totally hideous. Angelica looks at herself at the mirror, Chuckie sitting a few steps behind her, the boy not daring to tell her how much he dislikes the outfit.

"Hmmm… I'm not sure. Hey, Finster, be honest; how do I look in this dress?"

"Uh… well…"

"It's for today!"

"Okay, just… let me move a few steps back."

"To get a better look?"

"No; to get a good head start when telling you the truth!"

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Angelica and Susie are at their usual lunch table, the blonde, as usual, talking the most.

"Really, Susie, my memory is privileged; once something enters my head, I never forget it."

"And how about the ten dollars I loaned you last month?" Susie smirks at Angelica, who simply shrugs.

"Well, those entered my purse, not my head."

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Chuckie and Angelica, at the Java Lava, are flirting with each other.

"So, Finster… what do you like the most about me?"

"Let's see… your beauty, wits, guts, and how resourceful you are." Chuckie gives her a fond look, she replying with a similar one. "And you, what like the most about me?"

"Your excellent taste in girls."

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Angelica walks out from the library, and Timmy McNulty spots her.

"Pickles? You, at the library?" Timmy mocks her. "What happened; the mall is on fire?"

"Very funny, McNulty; actually, I'm the debate team's captain, so need to do some research once in a while." Angelica folds her arms. "Actually, this place isn't so bad, and you get to learn a few good things that can be applied socially."

"Like what, for example?"

"For starters, I can pretty much tell you what kind of people you are depending on the books you read."

"Oh, yeah?" Timmy rubs his chin and gets a proud look. "Well, I read Shakespeare, Tolstoi, and Victor Hugo."

Angelica smiles slyly and replies while walking away.

"See? You're a liar."

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Susie is at Kimi's home helping the Japanese clean up her room. Kimi takes several books out from her closet, all fairy-tales' ones, and chuckles.

"What's so funny?" Susie asks her.

"Just thinking; had you ever read or heard a fairy-tale that doesn't start with _'Once upon a time'_?"

"Oh, yeah, several times; Angelica's tales."

"Angelica's tales?"

"Yep; they always start with '_Didn't bring my homework because…'_"

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Tommy and Chuckie are chatting at the lunch table.

"And you don't have problems with Angelica's temper, her being your girlfriend and all?"

"Not at all, Tommy; she obeys me at everything."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Nope; always tell her to do whatever she wants, and she does."

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There's a party at Angelica's place, her dancing with Chuckie most of the time, and the whole thing going quite well. When he goes for some punch for her and himself, she approaches Susie.

"Hey, Carmichael, enjoying the party?"

"Yeah, a lot!"

"I thought that; look, I need your opinion. Think it's a good time for me to sing something to the guests?"

Susie gives a look around, and then turns back to Angie.

"No; let them have some more fun before."

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Phil is eating at the cafeteria, making some disgusting noises while doing it. Angelica passes next to him with her tray, trying to ignore him, but he gets the girl's attention.

"Hey, Angelica, you are in good terms with the cook, right?"

"More or less, DeVille. Why?"

"It's just a doubt I have," Phil then shows her a piece of meat on his fork. "You know if this thing is pork?"

"It depends; which extreme of the fork you're talking about?"

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Angelica's Biology teacher calls her after class.

"Miss Pickles, your grades in my class are not the best, but, since you are doing pretty well in your ECA, I am giving a chance to pass; if answering correctly just a single question, you'll not attend summer school."

"You have a deal."

"Okay; can you tell me how many hairs does a grown up man have on his head?"

"Exactly six millions, seven hundred and twelve thousand, four hundred eighty two, without considering moustache and beard, of course," Angelica replies smugly.

"Uh… how do you know that with such exactitude?"

"Sorry, Teach, but that's another question."

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**Three years old.**

Little Angelica is looking at a calendar, smiling, and her dad notices her.

"So, Princess, do you know what's that?"

"Sure, Daddy; a map that leads to Christmas!"

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Harold buys a soda from a vending machine, Angelica right next to him.

"Do you have change so I can buy one for me?"

"Sorry, Angelica, but only had enough for this one."

"Oh, well… then, let me drink half of yours."

Harold shrugs and handles Angelica the can. The girl opens it, and then takes a pretty large drink; when handling the can back to the boy, it's already empty.

"Hey, we agreed on just drinking half of it!"

"Sorry; my half was the bottom one."

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Savannah is at the park, sitting in a bench, looking depressed. Angelica notices her, and, curious as always, decides asking her what's going on.

"Hey, Sav, why the long face; you lost the cell phone?"

"Shut up, Pickles, I'm not in the mood!"

"Uh, touchy; this is too good to ignore." Angelica sits next to her, "Come on, you know I run an advice site; you can tell me anything troubling you."

"Fine then… it's your cousin's fault!"

"Which one; Tommy or Dil?"

"The silly weirdo!"

"Be more specific."

"It was Dil, okay? Look, he did that weird fortune-telling thing with me, and told me some things about my future… well, even if he's wrong, now I think that, when leaving this world, nobody will care that I once existed!"

"Oh, cheer up, Sav," Angelica places a hand on her shoulder, "Nobody cares already."

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**Three years old.**

Little Chuckie and Angelica are looking at a picture of a stork carrying a baby.

"Angelica, the stork really delivers all babies?"

"Of course, Finster; actually, when you were born, it made two trips."

"Why?"

"One to deliver you, and the other to apologize."

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Harold jogs back to his house, again, passing in front of Angelica's place who's still taking her sun bath and reading a magazine.

"How was the exercise today, Harold?"

"It was –pant- great, Angie! Every day –pant- I can run a little bit further!"

The boy jogs away while waving bye, while Angelica sighs and goes back to her magazine.

"And still, he keeps returning."

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Angelica finds Timmy McNulty on her way to the mall.

"Hey, McNulty, can do me a favor?"

"What do you want, Pickles?"

"Just loaning me ten dollars; I'm paying you next week."

"Heh; the great Angelica Pickles begging for cash," Tim smirks at her, and then takes out the money. "Sure, take it; just for the pleasure of having you owing me something."

"Thanks." Angelica gets the money and walks away.

A week later, Angelica finds Timmy walking down the street.

"Hi, McNulty; I owe you ten bucks, right?"

"Yes, you do."

"Look, I need another loan; if you give me other ten, I'm paying you the whole debt next week."

"Fine, but don't forget it." Timmy rolls his eyes and gives her the money.

A week later, Angelica finds Timmy at the mall.

"Oh, hello, McNulty; I owe you twenty, isn't it?"

"Yes; are you paying me now?" Timmy extends his hand.

"I'm terribly sorry, but… can you loan me other ten?"

"You have to be kidding me!"

"No, really, I'm paying you!"

Tim growls in anger, but gives her the money anyway.

A week passes, and Timmy doesn't find Angelica. Another week passes, and the same happens. At the third week, Angelica goes to his home, and knocks the door, Timmy opening it a moment later.

"Hello, Timmy; I owe you…"

"OH, NO!" A furious Timmy explodes. Angelica shrugs, and takes out three ten dollars bills while walking away and smiling slyly.

"Really? Oh, well, I must owe them to someone else; bye, McNulty."

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**Three years old.**

Little Lil approaches Susie, both of them at Angelica's place.

"Susie, Angelica says the storks deliver the babies; is that true?"

"No, Lil, that's just a tale." Susie smiles, her being a doctor's daughter and therefore knowing the truth. "The babies come from..."

At that moment, Angelica enters the room, frowning.

"Listen, you two! I'm bringing some toys so we can play, but you better take care of them because they're mine, remember? Mine! Mine!"

"Okay, okay, we get it." Susie rolls her eyes, and Angelica leaves to bring the toys.

"Actually, I think Angelica was delivered by a bird." Susie says to Lil.

"Really? What one?"

"Daffy Duck."

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Angelica, realizing Dil's psychic skills aren't exactly a fake, decides to make a business out of it, and places a little stand at the school.

"Come on, everyone! Come and see The Amazing Dil! He sees everything, knows everything… and does a great manicure!" Angelica says in a salesperson tone while Dil simply sits behind the stand wearing his magician outfit. Phil approaches the stand, holding an envelope.

"Dil? You, working for Angelica?"

"I know this isn't the most adequate use of my abilities, but works well to show the people paranormal stuff is real… besides, want to buy some cool sneakers I saw at the mall."

"If you want to see a demonstration, DeVille, it will be a dollar." Angelica extends her hand. Phil shrugs and gives her the money; the girl takes it and handles Dil the envelope.

"The answer… is…" Dil concentrates, and then gets a nauseated look. "Ugh! Something green that later changes to red! Fine, I said it; now, if you excuse me, have to go to the bathroom."

Dil stands up and leaves a glaring Angelica and a nervously smiling Phil.

"What kind of question you wrote, DeVille?"

"Uh… read it yourself; have to go, bye!" Phil runs away and, deciding to catch him later, Angelica opens the envelope to read the question, getting a disgusted expression as well.

"Yuck! _'Describe a frog in a blender'_."


End file.
